he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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