trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
