I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
