it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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