How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In America we eat man semen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
