I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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