One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
