I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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