he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
