big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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