If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
