a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Randomize
