Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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