Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
