I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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