I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
