I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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