no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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