I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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