My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did i just pee glitter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
