this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
