Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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