I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.