The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
porn star boner night. come get it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.