So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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