rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
