She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
