The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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