How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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