Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
