Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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