Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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