I love black thongs
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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