so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
