Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
