he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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