I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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