I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
