Fine. I'll sleep in my office
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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