I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
