Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
