She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
