Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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