Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
