I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
