Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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