I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
