I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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