Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
