i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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