Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
