So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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