is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
