One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
