i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to calm my uterus...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
