Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
operation harelip BJ is a go
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
