So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
