oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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