Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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