I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i think i just lost a toe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
