The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize