I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
