i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
