i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
