My brain says no but my pants say off.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
