its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
