I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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