Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
