hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
