I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
