dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
