i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my phone needs a breathalizer
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
